Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
