so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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