I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I've blown a few things in my day
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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