Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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