now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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