He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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