Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My feet surprised me
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
