I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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