Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
