The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
