youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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