He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
