All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
