new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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