I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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