I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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