Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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