She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
