Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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