no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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