He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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