i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
