You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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