So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
