i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
