Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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