this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
