Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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