i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
