if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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