I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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