just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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