i already hear my dad disowning me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
