Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
