omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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