I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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