There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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