MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
