I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
