I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
