Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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