We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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