Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
