i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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