I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
