I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
