Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
