why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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