This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
