can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
