i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You pole danced in your parka.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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