one might say we're banned from that church
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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