Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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