Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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