You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
