I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
